Of the Women, By the Women, and For the Women

Marriage or Mirage

A rural Indian woman

It’s a theory that after marriage a woman gets two households, enjoys the bliss of having two loving families; but practically she loose both. Parents don’t fail to make her realize that she belongs to the newly acquired family whereas her in-laws acquaint her that a daughter-in-law can never take the place of a daughter. So what would she do? Where must she go? What’s her identity? There are some exceptions, but that’s just in finger count.

In the words of Barbara de Angelis ” Marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get. It’s something you do. It’s the way you love your partner every day

Whereas an institution is a noun, so how can marriage be an institution? And if it is considered as an institution; then admission would have been optional. To my view marriage should be a choice and not an obligation. Both married and who choose not to get into wedlock be respected for their choice.

Rig Veda says “Wife is verily a home”. But in this modern age a woman is made to work as a slave, many live as puppets; domestic violence is meted out towards her in name of dowry and post marital rape.

Rig Veda (6-64-6) says at the time of marriage the woman should preferably choose a man who likes her most and is delighted to see her. Parents should give freedom to the young girl to choose her life partner through the institution of Svayamvara, which literally means self choosing of a husband. Even prevalent were system where marriage is arranged by parents but no dowry system is mentioned anywhere. Rather in Arsha marriage, the father gives away his daughter, after receiving from the bridegroom a cow and a bull or two pairs of either as bride price. Ironically what we are following in this urban age is actually manifestation of the minds of a few people.

According to Veda, male- female relationship is based on principle of co-equal relationship; but today this is seldom practiced. Though the noble act of seeding a life in womb is done jointly and after the baby is born the husband has half responsibility; but there again woman is taken for granted as the only caregiver thus leading to relationship stress. Marriage is actually a responsibility of both man and woman; problem starts when they start debating which one is responsible.

I have seen in many families girls are made to believe that they are born to marry and produce kids. If getting married is not a big deal then girls can have better choice of life. If Vedic system would have been followed and dowry would not have existed, the parents of many girl children could rejoice the moment instead of getting worried. Female feticide would not have taken place and there would have been no dowry deaths.

To conclude the current scenario:

She becomes a dumb doll

And has to bear it all;

For dowry she’s killed-

in womb or outside

Yet the nasty tradition is not sealed.

Author : Rajashree

Rajashree Bose Smart Indian Women

Article Global Facebook Twitter Myspace Friendfeed Technorati del.icio.us Digg Google StumbleUpon Eli Pets